FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

Please something give before I break!

My first screenplay (Well, part of it)

D A Y L I G H T F A D E S
Saltenberger

22.Apr.2009

EXT. OUTSIDE A QUIANT LOOKING HOME

Evening. Camera focuses outside a house with a red-brick facade. The landscaping hints at a Mediterranean or tropical theme. There is a big window in front of the house that shows the kitchen. Below the window is a iron table and two chairs. Camera zooms in and focuses on the inside of the kitchen where a young man, MICHAEL, is cleaning dishes at the sink. A phone rings.

INT. THE KITCHEN

The phone rings again, MICHAEL dries his hands and reaches across the counter and answers it.

MICHAEL
Hello?

A girl’s, HEATHER, voice comes through the receiver.

HEATHER
I thought I could come over for a few minutes. I thought we could talk.

MICHAEL
Sure. I’m not up to anything right now.

MICHAEL hangs up the phone, not rudely, but quick enough that she can’t answer back. The camera follows him to the garage where he grabs two beers from the garage. He twists the top off one and casually tosses it aside. He goes back to the kitchen, sets the two beers down, and returns to cleaning dirty dishes.

EXT. OUTSIDE A QUIANT LOOKING HOME

Camera faces the window again, MICHAEL takes a sip of his beer. Camera pans around to see a car pull up in front of the house and park behind a car already there. A redheaded girl gets out, slinging a bag over her shoulder. She smiles weakly at MICHAEL in the window. She is HEATHER.

Camera pans around again this time to the front door. It closes behind MICHAEL who already has a cigarette in his mouth and a lighter towards it.

HEATHER
You know I hate those things.

MICHAEL lights the cigarette and inhales. He exhales quickly.

MICHAEL
I know. I do too but that’s the way things are these days.
(He sits down at the small table and pushes the unopened beer to the other side.)
It’s all we have.

HEATHER
Where’s the rest of the family?

MICHAEL
Parents are on vacation. My brother’s at work.

HEATHER opens her beer and takes a drink.

HEATHER
Should we go inside?

MICHAEL
The weather’s nice this time of day. Before the sun goes down and the street lights come on. Besides, it will make this easier.

HEATHER
So, it really is happening like this?

MICHAEL takes a long drag from his cigarette, exhales and then takes a long pull of his beer.

HEATHER
You’re really leaving then?

MICHAEL
There’s nothing here for me. What am I supposed to do? Wait for you to get your shit together?

The cigarette is at its last embers and MICHAEL puts it out against the brick facade of the house.

MICHAEL
I’m sorry. I tried. I tried to understand, to help you out, to do all of the things that I was supposed to do. I’m sick of trying. I’ve been given this opportunity and I’ve got to take it.

The Things I cannot have

Are too many to list.

I'm writing a short film script right now. I'm writing a part in it for someone that I know. I doubt she'd ever read this (blog) so I don't mind writing about it here.

I am not naive

I'm just not. I may be a goof off sometimes or act less than vaguely interested in something. I may not care about that thing at all but it does not mean that I don't understand it.

Pride is my greatest shortcoming. I have struggled with it for a long time. I have hurt some of my best friends because of it before. I have hurt myself because of it. Regardless of that it is a part of me. Please do not ever imply that I am naive. I understand most things better than anyone would ever guess. Just because someone has lived twenty years more than me does make them more aware than me.

Age does not equate to wisdom.

It's the way we look at life

Last night while I was struggling to sleep, something that happens all too often as far as I am concerned, a strange thought crept through my mind.

I am unlike the rest of my family. I have very little in common with them. Save for our common blood (genes) and a mutual love that we all feel for each other little else binds us.

The difference that irks me the most is the way we look at the world. The way we look at life and everything that entails. It's no ideological difference that separates us. It's like our synapses fire differently when our retina see the same thing.

This really isn't the place to go into though. I just wanted to write it down.

I've often felt alone when I was in crowds of people. I don't mean this to come across as 'I am lonely' or 'I am depressed' or anything negative at all. I don't see it as a negative, it is just the way I am, the way I've always been.

I am at ease being by myself. In fact, I need time alone every day, a good deal of time alone. I need that time to get my thoughts in order and to refocus. During that time I'll read or play a video game or just zone out listening to music or watching the television. It's my time of day and I need it to function normally.

When I spend long amounts of time with friends or family I retreat back into the recesses of my own mind. If this happens when I am with you and it seems that I am ignoring you, well, I probably am. Not on purpose though, so get over it.

I often wonder will this thought will take me over the course of my life. Will I be able to find a person who I allow to be around me at all times? Is that even prudent for what I want out of life? I don't understand yet if everything I want in life is going to be attainable. I don't yet know if I will have to make decisions between the things I want most. The idea of having to make those decisions... well, I don't want to think about it quite yet.

Welcome to my Point of View

This is my first post. An obvious statement that I felt was necessary.

I have often thought about blogging. Sharing my life and opinions with people who I may or may not know. Though, I imagine that among the few who read this there will be much less whom I don't know. I like to write and the best place to start writing is often the beginning.

The title is something that I had to think about. I've always been terrible at coming up with names for my stories or research papers and usually settled on something cheesy or a silly pun. This title may be cheesy to some but for me it is important. Perhaps I am not getting braver every day but I am playing at being braver better than ever before.

When I was younger, maybe ten years ago, I was fearless. I would jump off cliffs and climb 80 feet into a tree just to jump out to a trapeze bar. I would get on stage and make a fool of myself in front of crowds of people just to get a laugh. I was a nerd, and open about it! Which is not to be under-appreciated as nerdiness is seldom seen as a heavenly gift in high school. Some time between then and now that all changed.

I could tell you about the night it changed but that is not for this post or maybe even this blog at all. I just know that it did and when that happened the truth, what I perceived as the truth, of the world started creeping into my own world. I became afraid of failing. I became afraid of letting people down. I became afraid of letting people in. I became afraid of being myself and I became afraid of taking risks.

I still played at being brave (Note above: afraid of letting people in).

I am working on it. I am working on my point of view. I want to get back to how I was when I was still naive to the world. It may be impossible to accomplish in its entirety but that is not reason not to try.

I don't know if this will amount to anything, I hope it amounts to something of the tiniest of importance in someone's life. I hope you enjoyed it.